he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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