I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
