I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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