The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
