Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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