Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
