I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
