well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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