apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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