I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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