Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
