If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my shit smells like andre
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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