i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
