If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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