Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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