Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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