turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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