Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In America we eat man semen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
