so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
