mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
