Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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