so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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