she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
