Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
