why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize