So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
