They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
please don't ironically join a cult
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