I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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