just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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