Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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