Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
