after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
