is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
