I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
