Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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