I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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