just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
