I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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