Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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