He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
