oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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