first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize