You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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