just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
