Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
