the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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