He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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