i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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