What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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