I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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