we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
smell my finger.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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