Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
