this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
