I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
