He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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