...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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