I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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