I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
home. puking in laundry basket.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
