My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
