I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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