It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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