Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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