You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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