Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
