yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
