I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
