dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize