He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
