I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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