im having a threesome with these popsicles
so let's talk penis.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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