Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
