it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
