I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
