I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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