Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
