were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
