I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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