At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
