then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
