Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize