At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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