dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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