apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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